LOLFAIL

But I already have it installed! D:

If only I had listened to my parents’ advice, I could have avoided this

On the recent midterm, we were asked to choose several subjects on Section B. I chose the one that required me to write a story, ending with the words "If only I had listened to my parents' advice, I could have avoided this."

This is what the Grammar Nazi wrote.

To tell you my story is to tell you about my childhood. This dates back to 1997., when I was still a teenager at the time. One of my friends decided to introduce me to a bunch of friends he had. Initially, I disapproved their behaviour as they were always seen hanging around in cybercafés, having their hair dyed, excessive cussing and having no sense of responsibilities at all but they were nice to me in their own ways. They were always inviting me to hang out with them and they were entertaining with their antics and jokes. Eventually, I yielded and accepted their friendships and signed up to their little gang. We shared some exciting moments together. We bashed up youngsters and snatched their pocket money, hung around in cybercafés playing exciting war games and occasionally, we threw Molotov cocktails at randomly selected houses.

Then the day came when I turned eighteen. I was kicked out of home by my parents because I had brought them disgrace and gave them a bad reputation. The police had visited my parents again because they found some pornographic content stored in my cellular telephone. I resorted to spending the rest of my life committing burglaries, pick-pocketing wallets, and robberies in dark alleyways. What else could I do? I had no qualifications; not even a high school certificate. Therefore, I was jobless.

Now, we forward to year 2009, a decade after my eighteenth birthday. One of my ‘brothers’ came to my rented apartment and offered me a job. Of course I accepted at once. I was 3 months in rental arrears and my financial situation was humiliatingly bleak.

We were to carry out a bank robbery. One of us had smuggled in some guns from the USSR including the now infamous AK47. Hell, he even brought some satchel charges for the vault. We were going to strike it rich!

I remember the robbery as if it happened yesterday. We rushed into the bank with our assault rifles, firing at the armed security guards. Like crumbling statues, they fell while Spencer and Longshanks went upstairs to crack the vault. I was on the ground floor pointing my AK101 at the bankers, scrutinizing their every move like a hawk. Spencer and Longshanks dashed down exactly seven minutes later, carrying a safety deposit box. Now, we had to escape the area without attracting any police attention. It was a smooth operation thus far.

Unexpectedly, the alarm was activated and we made a run for it. Fifteen minutes later, we were in the middle of a hot pursuit which involved five police cruisers, a helicopter and our stolen getaway car. I saw a roadblock being set up in front of me. They failed to barricade a part of the road. “Too easy,” I grinned triumphantly….. until I saw the spike strip.

I stamped my foot on the brakes, but it was too late. We were losing speed and control. Our vehicle smashed against a sturdy tree. It was a miracle that we did not suffer even a scratch as our car was dented pretty badly; however the fight was not over yet. I hobbled out of the car and opened fire at the police. Nonetheless, we were all fighting a losing battle. The cops were closing in on us and Longshanks was shot in the leg. Then it happened…..

One of the police officers fired a Jacket Hollow Point round into my heart with his Colt M4A1 carbine. I was lying on the road, gazing at the cloudless serene sky. In my last few moments of breaths, my mind echoed the thought ‘If only I had listened to my parents’ advice, I could have avoided this.’

NOTE: This essay was directly scanned from a DCP-145C. There may be some errors in it.
P.S.: More challenging subjects please?

The local fags - Communism or Nazism?

Douchebags, ignorant pricks and pro-government suckers. You'll be seeing a lot of those if you come to Sibu. Now, on the last rant about the locals, I was criticizing the culture in here. Now, it can't get worse from there now can it?

Think again.

Every single person here has a religion of his or her own. Now, I don't have a problem with that. But what I do get pissy about is the fact that these people would go to great lengths to preach their religion to other people. Now call me sad, but they would say that you have no moral values if you do not believe in any religion at all. No, this isn't an over-exaggeration, but a fact.

Oh, and did I mention that I was told to shut up about the fact that I don't have a religion? I don't think so.

Yes, I was told to shut up for "corrupting the young minds" by an anonymous teacher. I will not reveal her identity for my own reasons. But surely, you should realize that you are being a fucking hypocrite. In fact, you're saying that anyone who doesn't believe in god has no moral values at all and should be burned in hell's fire for his entire life. Oh, and did I forget to mention the fact that you're being a fucking Nazi?

Remember Hitler and his Facism? Nazi Germany had it's own religion when Hitler was in power. This was obviously inspired by Japan. In it's Imperialist days, the people there believed that the Emperor(Tenno Heika/皇帝) was the descendant of the Sun God. The next "Heika" would be the oldest son of the current "Heika". Yes, at that time, their world leaders were automatically appointed. There's no arguing against it or its your head off your body. So anyway, we fast forward to the beginning of Hitler's regime and WW2 when the Holocaust was formed. The Nazis had believed that Hitler was god. No, this is not a joke and Hitler's version of The Bible was released as "Mein Kampf". So basically, they forced every single fucking German to support(and believe) in the fact that Hitler is God. It is no different in here as parents force their kids to believe in God while teachers claim that anyone who doesn't believe in any religion has no moral values at all.

Now, this is where the communist part comes in. Kids in here have NO FREEDOM at all. Everything must be controlled by their parents. From what they wear to the subjects they take. I've known people who have been forced from the Art stream to the Science stream and even students who were forced to take Accounting over Art and vice versa. What the fuck is that, I don't know but this is just downright Communist. In Communism, only the government is allowed to voice out their opinion. Civilians? Shut the fuck up. It's the same thing with about 90% of the families in here. The kids aren't allowed to make their own decisions, let alone voice out their opinion about their parent's actions.

To parents: We are the ones who are going to school, not you. This is our life, not yours. Understood?
To the damn kids: Stop being Najib's puppet.


Rant adjourned.

{AW}Bryan

Go do your job, admins

Recently, I have been told not once, not twice, but thrice to fulfill my duty as an admin/moderator. Yes, that's three fucking times. It's not just {AW}'s AssaultCube servers, but also the other forum I moderate. And no, I'm not referring to the forum that belongs to Ascended Warriors. Now, you'll probably give me the "Go do your job then, idiot." response but I have done my job and that's that.

There are tons of fuckers in our server complaining about cheaters. I tell them to obtain some fucking proof and go post it on the forums but they refuse to do so and they cry out some nigger bullshit statement like "GO DO YOUR JOB ADMIN". For fucks sake, there's a reason why FRAPS is there. Use it. I don't fucking care if it's going to take up lot's of HDD space because you could always reset the resolution to reduce the file size. And my job is not just to ban, but to CONFIRM that the "suspect" is breaking the rules intentionally.

If that wasn't enough, you have the retards who cry about AssaultCube professionals like me and votekick the fuck out of you. And if they don't get what they want, expect some spam from them, telling you to fuck off, turn off your cheats and the usual "get a life" line. If it doesn't go by those lines, then it will probably be the "your mom" joke and that is seriously getting old. Try going for some originality already.



Rant adjourned.

{AW}Bryan

The local fags...

Come to East Malaysia and criticize the government in front of a local civilian and he'll get offended by your statement. The next thing you know is that he cries all over a goddamn simple, common fact and throws unoriginal insults at you.

Now call me sad but the fact remains that most of the teenagers in here(and adults too) are ignorant. Google? Forget about it. They don't see the point of using a search engine when they have a question. What's worse is the fact that they only listen to government propaganda. No, don't ask them to use Google and look up BTN or May 13 because you'll only get "fingered" so save your breath.

Now let's steer away from the political sector and come to the local "budaya". You could say that it's every Malaysian for him/herself because it's true. A few days ago, my mother was about to make the usual U-turn outside the school when some f**ked up idiot in a jacked up Saga attempted to "cut" the queue. In the end, she delayed both of us and created a traffic jam like lulz. Exaggeration? I think not. On the same afternoon, another mother in a Vios parked her car in the middle of the road, blocking a truck convoy which resulted in another traffic jam. It gets worse when the f**kers drive through red traffic lights as if to show the other drivers that they're "1337 street racers". Then you have the "matrempits" who think that by doing a wheelie, all the girls would be going after them like lulz. Tire punctured? Don't count on anyone to pull over because most of the time, they won't. Alright, some will but most of them won't do anything but watch the drama.

Now we come to the faghats who think that by getting 7As in their PMR, they have the right to wave their E-Penises around the Internet. For fucks sake, the SPM certificate is not recognized internationally which is why you have to take up MUET and O level examinations. And don't think you'll be able to get a job easily with that kind of attitude. In the end, it's all about PR and skills. But those who don't get good grades in public examinations are usually the ones who have no life. You know the type. Dyed hair, going to cybercafes the whole day, smoking cigars and of course, the usual involvement in gangsterism. Want something worse? DotArds are EXTREMELY COMMON in here. And it's no big surprise either, considering the fact that this town is filled with faghats who try to be smart but end up failing on an epic scale when I step in to troll the f**k out of them.

Now, the situation can't get any worse can it? I think it can. I remember someone stating the following...
"I don't like people who say other people shit!"
And yet she talks behind my back like lulz just because I said "Najib+UMNO+The Government Body=Indonesia#2?"


Stop waving your E-Penises around. Come out of your rock and listen to the REAL news, not the fucking government propaganda from the radio stations and the newspapers. Learn to actually take in some criticism and look at the whole situation before you talk about things that you don't even know about. And most important of all these things, STOP relying on your parents to feed you.


Rant adjourned